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Holier Than Thou Vegans 😹😇😹

# Holier Than Thou Vegans: A Journey Into the Land of Plant-Based Perfection

In the grand culinary kingdom, there exists a mystical land where the inhabitants dine on kale, speak in quinoa, and bathe in almond milk. Welcome to the world of vegans. Not just any vegans, but the "Holier Than Thou" vegans. These are the ones who make your average broccoli enthusiast look like a bacon-devouring Neanderthal. Strap in, folks. This is going to be a wild, leafy ride.

## The Cult of Kale

First, let's talk about kale. If vegetables had a royalty, kale would be king, queen, and probably the royal corgi too. Holier Than Thou vegans don’t just eat kale; they worship it. They have kale in their smoothies, salads, and even their morning prayers. “Our kale, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name,” they chant, as they kneel before their spirulina altar.

To be clear, not all kale is created equal. Regular supermarket kale? Plebeian. These vegans forage for their kale in the wild, ensuring it has been sung to by forest nymphs and watered with unicorn tears.

## The Smoothie Showdown

Next, we enter the smoothie battlefield. A simple green smoothie? Pfft. Amateur hour. Holier Than Thou vegans blend ingredients so obscure, they sound like spells from Harry Potter. "I'll have a chia-hemp-flax-camu-camu-goji-acai-spirulina-maca-root smoothie, hold the banana," they order, with the nonchalance of someone asking for a glass of water.

Of course, the smoothie is sipped through a biodegradable, ethically-sourced, bamboo straw. Because plastic? That's practically a war crime in this kingdom.

## The Protein Police

Now, let's talk protein. Mention beans, lentils, or tofu, and watch as their eyes roll so hard you fear they might get stuck. The protein of choice for Holier Than Thou vegans? Something you’ve never heard of, that grows only on a remote Himalayan cliff, harvested by monks who take vows of silence. It’s called Prana Protein and is believed to contain the essence of pure enlightenment.

If you happen to ask where they get their protein (because you're a concerned carnivore), prepare for a lecture so long and detailed, it makes Tolstoy's "War and Peace" look like a haiku.

## Vegan Virtue Signaling

The cornerstone of the Holier Than Thou vegan’s existence is, of course, letting everyone know they are, in fact, vegan. Subtlety? Not in their vocabulary. They have t-shirts, tote bags, and bumper stickers proclaiming their love for all things plant-based. Did they mention they’re vegan? Oh, they’ll make sure they did.

Their social media is a never-ending stream of green juice, avocado toast, and rescue chickens named after feminist icons. “Just adopted Gloria Steinem the hen! #veganlife #blessed,” they post, awaiting the wave of likes that validate their virtuous lifestyle.

Insert photo of us at planted expo 😻😻😻😻😻

## The Dairy Demonization

Ah, dairy. The devil incarnate. Cashew cheese, almond yogurt, and hemp milk reign supreme here. Dairy is so reviled that uttering "cheese" could get you excommunicated from the vegan congregation. In the eyes of Holier Than Thou vegans, consuming dairy is akin to pledging your allegiance to Sauron.

“Did you know dairy causes inflammation, global warming, and possibly bad hair days?” they whisper, with the intensity of someone revealing state secrets.

## The Ultimate Sacrifice: Bacon

But nothing, absolutely nothing, incites more fervor than the subject of bacon. To these vegans, bacon is the Voldemort of foods. It’s the unspeakable. The ultimate test of their plant-powered faith. They will regale you with tales of their former carnivorous ways, where they once indulged in bacon, only to renounce it for the higher path of tempeh and seitan.

“Bacon is a lie,” they’ll say, with the gravitas of someone who’s just solved world hunger. “Tempeh bacon is the truth and the light.”

## Conclusion: Namaste and Kale Be With You

So, dear reader, if you ever encounter a Holier Than Thou vegan in the wild, don’t panic. Simply bow your head, whisper “Namaste,” and offer them a sprig of organic cilantro as a peace offering. They may just bless you with a recipe for the perfect avocado toast and a lecture on the evils of dairy.

And remember, while you might not achieve their level of plant-based perfection, you can always appreciate their commitment to saving the world, one kale smoothie at a time. Namaste and kale be with you.

Namaste it means the light of my soul recognizes the light of your soul and it can be said about all animals, I don't want any animals to experience their light coming to an end, and because slaughterhouses are things of nightmares and they should not exist❣❣❣


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